While at work today I got a phone call from Sir Sunderland. He rear ended someone and his car no longer worked. Everyone was fine but he needed me to come. I immediately hung up and left work. As I drove to help him, a gajillion thoughts ran through my mind. Amazingly, the common thread was positive.
For a person with depression, this is most unusual.
Instead of dwelling on the costs or how we were going to survive with only one car, I was thankful that he was okay, that we had insurance and that we still had another car for our use. I went as far as joking about how we'll save on gas money.
Not that I'm a pessimistic person, I strive to never become one, but it's easy to get caught up in the negative. I can see it in Sir Sunderland, how sorry he is that in lieu of a pricey birthday dinner on Friday we are now opting for Costco pizza. Or that we now have to plan our days around getting to work with one car. But you know what? Our new plans sound even better than our original ones and now we get to spend that much more time together, carting each other around town.
When I had one of my depressive episodes I got into the "positive-thinking" The Secret, type stuff. I read Louise Hayes' You can Heal Your Life, which pushes mantras and repeating things to yourself throughout the day. I tried to sit there and read the index cards with "I Love You" while looking in the mirror and it didn't seem like it worked for me. Little did I know that those were just inklings, put into my head that I use throughout my day to day life. Even if I didn't follow through with the insane regimens laid out in the books, I grasped an understanding. Positive thinking can change everything.
So, as I go to work 30 minutes early today (Sir Sunderland has to take me during his lunch break), I will settle down in Starbucks with a book and a Pumpkin Spice Latte and think about how nice it is to be able to have down time and let the rest of the worries melt in the background.