I could feel the bitterness, frustration and resentment brewing inside all weekend. I could barely focus at church on Sunday, picked a fight on my husband’s birthday and finally, on Tuesday I snapped. I stewed in the shower about my plight, about how I couldn’t keep up with the laundry, the dinners, the cleaning.
I came down immediately after my shower and gave a profound speech I had rehearsed while not shaving my legs. I yelled, I cried, I attacked (even when I meant not to) and I got it all off my chest.
I am overwhelmed.
We are in a time in age where stays at home moms are gaining more praise and recognition for their work. But until you’re balls deep in this thing called homemaking, you truly have no clue how difficult it can be. Let’s face it, I’m whining about vacuuming, dishes, cooking and mopping for crying out loud. How hard can it be?
Last week I spent an entire day prepping our house before we left for a weekend trip. I wanted it to be pristine for when we came back. I vacuumed, mopped, laundered and dished until it was time to leave. I worked my ass of, just like I try to do on a weekly basis or more accurately, right before we have guests. We came back and dumped a bomb on the joint that I haven’t been able to get a handle on since.
Oh sure, I do the daily stuff that keeps us from living like complete slobs. But the dogs are uber-shedding, the baby’s toys are everywhere and the laundry pile that has been sitting there for a week still hasn’t been put away.
Everyday I look around the house; get frustrated, anxiety follows suit and the next thing I know I’m sitting on the couch hiding underneath a blanket and an episode of Friends. Why can’t someone else just do it all for a week? Just so long as I don’t have to do it and it gets done, just once.
Which is basically what I said to my husband through bouts of anger, crying and staring shamefully at the floor.
So then, why can’t someone just do it for me?
Because I’m the unemployed mother of a one year old, that’s why. I’m home everyday with the most pressing part of my schedule being grocery shopping on Fridays.
This is also the downfall of my situation. We are here everyday creating messes, using our home to its utmost potential. Once the breakfast dishes are done it’s time to make lunch and after lunch comes snacks and then it's time for dinner and so on. Just after you’ve mopped there’s a baby throwing grilled cheese sandwiches and cereal onto it while the dogs run around dropping fur like it’s going out of style. It’s never ending, there aren’t any weekends and sometimes you just want a freaking break.
I made this known during my speech and I realized that there is no break. We’re not going to hire someone to clean our house for us. My husband can’t be expected to come home from work and clean. This is life, the dreamy stay at home housewife life I dreamed out five years ago.
So I sucked it up and vacuumed and mopped my floors after the husband swept for me.
And I feel better already.