May 8, 2012

The Day I Did It All

Yesterday was one of those days where I laid down in bed and knew that I was back to myself.  You know how I was all, I've got depression and it lasted a weekend because I'm awesome and kicked it's butt?  Yea, it didn't really go entirely that way. It lingered and took hold of me in the most devilish of ways. While it wasn't at its worse, it was lingering in the background, making me lazy and unmotivated. Slowly I've been shaking it off, getting back to my productive, still somewhat lazy self and yesterday was so nuts-O productive I had to document it for the masses. Or at least for myself so that I can look back and realize that it really is depression and I'm not a terrible person for wanting to sit on the couch instead of being super woman.

I woke up early, showered and made  bitsy bread to take to a play date. I went to a play date with an old co-worker. I returned a list of phone calls I had put off which is always a sign of depression. I get so paranoid and nervous when I miss a call. Then when I don't return it I feel guilty and even more nervous to return it because it's been five days. Dumb dumb dumb.

During nap time instead of sitting in front of the computer I finished my mom's mother's day gift. I laid down to take a nap myself, which lasted five minutes. I made Gwen a dress.

When the husband came home from work he wasn't feeling well.  So I mowed and fertilized the lawn after dinner while he kept an eye on the baby. I gave the baby a bath and put her to bed.  I showered AGAIN. Twice in one day!

I mean, it was one heck of a productive day. This wasn't a typical Monday by any means and to be honest I have no idea how I managed to do all of that.

It feels good to be back and pisses me off a little to realize how stupid depression is and how much of my quality of life goes to crap when it hits me.

Time and time again the same cycle happens and it's not always easy to remember  a light at the end of the tunnel. It's much easier to admit defeat and wallow in self pity as the guilt and shame pile up. But I am here to say there is light! Glorious, glorious, beautiful light.

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